International failure

Well... as you could have guessed from the title of the post, I am not writing to you as a champion of a basketball tournament. Actually I am not even writing to you as a member of a team that won a game. We LOST EVERY GAME. It was embarrassing on so many levels, but as there always is, there is a story to go along with this. And here is said story: It all started when we walked into what I can only describe as a junior high gymnasium. The smell of hardwood floors wafted through the air, only to be replaced by the pungent aroma of the Bangladeshi janitors congregating near the doorway while not actually cleaning anything. There were two main courts, both with forgiving backboards and a rim that tilted forward permanently providing a nice target from straight on. The rim didn't actually sit, more like it hung from the backboard as if it wasn't actually attached to the board, but rather just where the spring is to allow for dunks. This made a wonderful scenario where the ball would just die as soon as it hit the rim, and fall directly to the floor. The rim would continue to shake and hang from the backboard, which was fantastic for those of us who know how to make a bank shot. (Yes I am including myself in us, and NO its not just when its an accident) We were supposed to get jerseys, but as we can all remember, they could not get enough townspeople together to make a special order gargantuan jersey to fit my fat ass so I played in a white t shirt while the rest of my team wore jerseys. The best part was the little numbered junior high jerseys they insisted we wear when we played, one that just happened to fit my like a sports bra because apparently "one size fits all" does not apply to American size. So, looking as ridiculous as possible, I took the court in my bra and knee brace and we met our first opponents. Now let me just say when I heard about this tournament, I assumed it was going to be the run of the mill competition and we would do pretty well. Little did I know this was a FIBA sanctioned tournament, where they invited people to come and play. I found this out when the Russian National Streetball Team showed up to play in our division, as well as the Singaporean National team of 19 year-olds. This was not a great start to the day. So as you can imagine, the games were a bit of a struggle. We were blown out by those two teams, mostly because they were supremely more talented. But also because I was the only one of decent size (decent is being nice) to try and defend these guys (try is the operative word). I did make friends with the Russian guys though, with our common hatred for the referees and the basketballs. Oh I didn't mention that yet? Here I go!!! The balls were laminated! They applied some sort of "non-slippery lacquer" to the balls, which was supposed to help with gripping the over pumped basketballs. It did exactly the opposite! I don't speak Russian, but I was echoing the sentiments of my comrades when we yelled at the refs to change the ball because we couldn't hold on to it. Our screams fell on dead ears, mainly due to the language barrier and we were forced to play with the crappy balls. Apparently bad refereeing is universal. This was a little ridiculous though. The refs were all old guys who looked like they were confused to the purpose of their whistle. The games got out of control really fast because Singaporeans apparently like to play dirty. Apparently if you are bigger than your opponent, it is a foul if you stand next to them. Also, when you get a rebound, you are allowed to swing your elbows back and forth with all your might until you hit someone in the face. How do I know these rules are allowed? Because I have the beginning of a black eye thanks to repeated elbows to the face. When I tried to ask the referee why it was a foul on me for getting hit, he gave me another foul for good measure. The most ridiculous officiating I have ever seen in my life. 7 people went out on stretchers during the tournament, and about a handful more with cuts/gashes. So, as you can imagine, we didn't fare very well what with slippery balls and black eyes. But I got my first taste of Singaporean basketball, and it tasted dirty.